Theater law: “First you confirm harmony, then the conflict will come naturally…”
The conflict is a given. You can fight that. That’s even a good idea: it makes it bigger. Just until you can see what it is really about: a Hidden Desire.
The art of conflict is not to focus on a solution, but on gratitude. Assuming that a conflict always comes at the right time. You are ready for something but you don’t know what it is yet.
The pain of the conflict indicates that it is something that had no right to exist in your life and it is at the same time the pain with which you allow it to be born.
Two conflicting parties then offer each other the opportunity to – for a start – find words for this. So that the most truely personal actions can be added.
Easy to say! In the heat of conflict, words seem to run wild. The art of conflict begins with first curbing the speed in written language, so that the words become fixed, manageable and touchable.
And when they lie down so sweetly – the words received – they can be massaged. Massaged until they release their relaxing meaning. This turns a conflict into friendly advice to yourself and a revelation of your own dynamics!
At what stage of a conflict do you consult De Ontdekking?
When you are completely exhausted with fighting and you feel like you have lost, that your weapons have been taken out of your hands and you no longer have the strength to face another confrontation – that is the moment when you are ready to use all the energy that you have invested in the conflict.
What does that mean practically
Write your conflict to me by email (joke@de-ontdekking.org). The most fiery language occurs when you pretend to write a letter to the person with whom you are in conflict. Don’t try to keep it too neat: the person in question will never read it. Even wrong words and spelling mistakes are welcome.
I will then make a translation for €26.50 per half hour. I will let you know in advance how long it will take me. You can also inquire whether a workshop “The Art of Conflict” is planned, if you want to gain skills in relationship translation yourself.
For example:
Someone told me she became furious with her boss. By phone. In fact, it had gotten so bad that she had called him “limp dick.” Now I always brag that I can bring love into any swear word, but I didn’t know how to sweeten this one. I promised her that if I knew more, I would let her know.
The next day I looked over my husband’s shoulders at a page in the newspaper. I saw a photo report of a residential group that lived in and with nature. In one photo a man was floating on his back in the water, a child was playing on his chest. Of his body, only his face, his chest and the top of his “limp dick” emerged above the surface of the water. I showed the angry woman this photo and asked her what “limp dick” meant to her now. “Oh! Time to relax!” she said.